Emotional attachment to someone I am yet to meet. Not good. I've broken my rules right then and there. But she's inspired me to do so many things. I've taken up writing again, brought it to new levels. Singing is much more with direction now. I've tried photography cause of her. And I've picked up my guitar again. That's the clincher. The magic is there but the fingers cant remember how to move. Hay. This is not going well. She seems like a dream. Oh so real, but something I can't touch. She moves in me but she isn't there. I try to reach out but every time she seems but an inch away. Seemingly within grasp but so enigmatic that you STILL can't reach her. Inhabiting my waking thoughts. Oh so willing to wait for her, she's worth that much.
I need to sleep. Screw it
Sunday, April 20, 2008
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
Comparison of times and places. V1
Spent the day at Starbucks Katipunan. A place I rarely haunt. If ever I find myself there that is. The culture difference between SB Morato and SB Katipunan was quite pronounced. At Morato it seemed that EVERYBODY or at least most of everybody was studying while at Katipunan a lot of the people there just seemed to be hanging out. A much more casual atmosphere if I may.
OFFTOPIC:
I've never had as much fun with anybody else. Somehow I can just get to be myself with her.
OFFTOPIC:
I've never had as much fun with anybody else. Somehow I can just get to be myself with her.
Understanding things
Just got to understand what
"A little learning is a dangerous thing"
means. Its really hard to talk to people who are too convinced of the wrong things. Of people who don't even take the time to verify the credibility of their sources. They hold on to that little knowledge that they have, thoroughly convincing themselves that what they think is right. Especially when people go against them and tell them that they are in the wrong. And when unable to answer properly they respond by attacking the person's integrity
"A little learning is a dangerous thing"
means. Its really hard to talk to people who are too convinced of the wrong things. Of people who don't even take the time to verify the credibility of their sources. They hold on to that little knowledge that they have, thoroughly convincing themselves that what they think is right. Especially when people go against them and tell them that they are in the wrong. And when unable to answer properly they respond by attacking the person's integrity
Odysseus : Quoted
Warriors fear surrender. They are proud and will struggle to conquer.They will fight to the death for what they believe in. They will struggle to conquer. Love is not about conquest. The truth is a man can only find true love when he surrenders to it. When he opens his heart to the partner of his soul and says "There it is. The very essence of me! It is yours to nurture and destroy!"
-Odysseus, The Lord of The Silver Bow
All too true...
-Odysseus, The Lord of The Silver Bow
All too true...
Shit Happens :
Its been quite a while since I last wrote here. Things are going quite well given the situation I'm in. At least I've got one headache gone. I can pretty much say that I'm over her. Thanks in no small part to -----. And I am taking back the statement I gave regarding not taking our relationship past the just friends stage.
Friday, March 7, 2008
Confusion and more confusion
Reporting on yesterday's events.
So I was at Fitness First yesterday for that first tryst with the Physical Trainer. It wasn't quite that bad, though I was informed that I was a helluva out of shape. So with a month to go maybe I could still cut off this goddamned tummy. It was good all over though, got to let loose quite a bit. It was all over too soon though. I had to leave for that concert.
On the concert. Well it wasn't that bad. I realized that Join the Club wasn't really that that bad. Not saying that they're good though Just saying that they ain't bad. Their drummer was wicked. Pretty much the night's best part. Aside from Barbie, she's hawt. I got pretty much bored halfway though. I don't know for what reason. I just was. o_o;;;
And Fria was being a sweetie last night. I think... Ionno... Confused... Yes... Thats me... Tired... Confused... Disoriented.... I miss her... Feeling so helpless...
So I was at Fitness First yesterday for that first tryst with the Physical Trainer. It wasn't quite that bad, though I was informed that I was a helluva out of shape. So with a month to go maybe I could still cut off this goddamned tummy. It was good all over though, got to let loose quite a bit. It was all over too soon though. I had to leave for that concert.
On the concert. Well it wasn't that bad. I realized that Join the Club wasn't really that that bad. Not saying that they're good though Just saying that they ain't bad. Their drummer was wicked. Pretty much the night's best part. Aside from Barbie, she's hawt. I got pretty much bored halfway though. I don't know for what reason. I just was. o_o;;;
And Fria was being a sweetie last night. I think... Ionno... Confused... Yes... Thats me... Tired... Confused... Disoriented.... I miss her... Feeling so helpless...
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
Another basic rant
Yes, I really do have something against trends.
Yes, it might have something do with my upbringing.
The so-called "emo" trend is growing at an appalling rate while those who flame against it grow in ranks day by day.
So you'll probably be asking which side I'll be taking. As I am a certified rock enthustiast you would probably think that I'd side with the "emo's" but no. To the anti's? No as well.
People refuse to look at the origins of this so-called trend. If it even is one. They judge that one belong to a certain class only according to how they look. The hair, the pants, the shirt, the shoes. And what makes it worse is that this minority does not do anything about it! Think about stereotyping, a bummer no?
Define emo I asked people. And they give you shit like look at his hair, tignan mo naman itsura nyan. It results in an almost immediate response of what the fuck. This is clearly not right. Emo means emotional. A state of being if I may. And this practically refers to a whole lot of other lifestyles. Goth when you think of it is not just a fashion statement. Cause it isn't! Its a goddamned state of being you arseholes. Sorry for the term. Just a bit heated up.
Emo does not have to do with the lyrics as well. Sadly if we classified songs according to the lyrics the great Bon Jovi himself would have to be called an emo. =] Great no? I doubt people ever looked at it from that angle.
Yes, it might have something do with my upbringing.
The so-called "emo" trend is growing at an appalling rate while those who flame against it grow in ranks day by day.
So you'll probably be asking which side I'll be taking. As I am a certified rock enthustiast you would probably think that I'd side with the "emo's" but no. To the anti's? No as well.
People refuse to look at the origins of this so-called trend. If it even is one. They judge that one belong to a certain class only according to how they look. The hair, the pants, the shirt, the shoes. And what makes it worse is that this minority does not do anything about it! Think about stereotyping, a bummer no?
Define emo I asked people. And they give you shit like look at his hair, tignan mo naman itsura nyan. It results in an almost immediate response of what the fuck. This is clearly not right. Emo means emotional. A state of being if I may. And this practically refers to a whole lot of other lifestyles. Goth when you think of it is not just a fashion statement. Cause it isn't! Its a goddamned state of being you arseholes. Sorry for the term. Just a bit heated up.
Emo does not have to do with the lyrics as well. Sadly if we classified songs according to the lyrics the great Bon Jovi himself would have to be called an emo. =] Great no? I doubt people ever looked at it from that angle.
And who might you be?
Well as I was quite unable to show up last night to report on my first day at the gym I might as well make up for it now.
It was quite uneventful as first-times go. I didn't have a personal trainer yet, but the heck, good thing someone was there to show me around. Met quite a lot of people this day, pretty much getting out of the shoebox I was living in to move into a balikbayan box. Just goes to show how little I've seen while thinking that I've seen so much. Aggressive females? They seemed to be run-of-the-mill there. Or is it just that the stereotyped image of the Philippine Maria Clara has been ingrained too damn much in my mind? Maybe. A good chance to see more of the world I might say. And one more thing that I noticed that age did not seem to be too much of a hindrance there, as women well beyond my age were actually flirting with me. Maybe? Probably disillusioned as fatigue lay in each of my sinews and muscles. Nothing to lose if they really were would I? But then it could still be just my imagination. Tired and hungry? Haha, maybe it really was.
Today was pretty much better off, I toured Trinity, CEU and St. Paul's in looking for a school where I could transfer. I couldn't help noticing as I passed by the two latter schools that women did pretty much make up majority of the population. And no. I will not take advantage of that fact. At least I'll try not to. Bwahaha. That sounded wrong no?
It was quite uneventful as first-times go. I didn't have a personal trainer yet, but the heck, good thing someone was there to show me around. Met quite a lot of people this day, pretty much getting out of the shoebox I was living in to move into a balikbayan box. Just goes to show how little I've seen while thinking that I've seen so much. Aggressive females? They seemed to be run-of-the-mill there. Or is it just that the stereotyped image of the Philippine Maria Clara has been ingrained too damn much in my mind? Maybe. A good chance to see more of the world I might say. And one more thing that I noticed that age did not seem to be too much of a hindrance there, as women well beyond my age were actually flirting with me. Maybe? Probably disillusioned as fatigue lay in each of my sinews and muscles. Nothing to lose if they really were would I? But then it could still be just my imagination. Tired and hungry? Haha, maybe it really was.
Today was pretty much better off, I toured Trinity, CEU and St. Paul's in looking for a school where I could transfer. I couldn't help noticing as I passed by the two latter schools that women did pretty much make up majority of the population. And no. I will not take advantage of that fact. At least I'll try not to. Bwahaha. That sounded wrong no?
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Temeraire
After oh so long I finally faced up to my problems. I went to UST just a few hours ago and my father confronted me on the whole truth. So all mymistakes and shortcomings were then exposed. For some reason I actually feel better now, no longer worrying about what could happen. It feels good knowing that the truth is out though the fact that I put my parents down is unexcusable. I wasted time, effort and money, with the latter being the least of it. At least its over now. I can breath easy for the time-being.
So now were coming up with solutions to it. Probable courses and what schools would probably accept me. Taking up Philosophy or Foreign Service sem to be the most feasible of choices, and as I do plan on taking up writing as a profession later on these courses would prepare me for it. So be it, I no longer have this in my hands.
I was playing around with Erika this afternoon, talking to her was fun, as talking to most intellectual females is, though I have no intention of taking this beyond the friends stage, I gave too much on my mind as it is, and another woman wouldn't really be helping my self.
First day at Fitness First later on, and I hope it doesn't turn out to be a drag. Like anyone likes drags no? Stupid statement, but then I haven't really been acting on best judgements lately.
I'll be back later to add more. The computers at this cafe are bumming me out bigtime and I'm just on the net, could you imagine how it would be if I was playing? God help me if so.
So now were coming up with solutions to it. Probable courses and what schools would probably accept me. Taking up Philosophy or Foreign Service sem to be the most feasible of choices, and as I do plan on taking up writing as a profession later on these courses would prepare me for it. So be it, I no longer have this in my hands.
I was playing around with Erika this afternoon, talking to her was fun, as talking to most intellectual females is, though I have no intention of taking this beyond the friends stage, I gave too much on my mind as it is, and another woman wouldn't really be helping my self.
First day at Fitness First later on, and I hope it doesn't turn out to be a drag. Like anyone likes drags no? Stupid statement, but then I haven't really been acting on best judgements lately.
I'll be back later to add more. The computers at this cafe are bumming me out bigtime and I'm just on the net, could you imagine how it would be if I was playing? God help me if so.
March 2
And I just told my dad that I got dropped from my course, the way he took it was quite surprising at the least. I didn't quite expect him to take it quite that well. So all we need to do is fix the papers and everything will be all set. Dad got me into Fitness First and a computer course so the time'll be well spent at the least. My only problem now is how to tell my mom, how she takes it I'll never know. How she'll take it really scares me. She might be devastated and well. I'm scared and that may even be an understatement.
And Fria was with me throught it all, supporting me when I didn't even expect her to be there. And that just adds to the confusion all the more.
And Fria was with me throught it all, supporting me when I didn't even expect her to be there. And that just adds to the confusion all the more.
March 1
Its the first day or March, a new start it may seem. She's been acting quite well these past few days. Sweet it may seem, and laconically I am giving in. Its such a change from her past dispositions that the surprise is getting to me slowly.
February 28 : Thursday
Nothing could have averted the confusion I'm going through right now. Stuck between AngelxFria and that other player whom I'd rather not mention. The former supposedly wanting me back. But am I willing to go through all that again?
Some of my friends say no, that I'll only end up screwing myself again that I'll only end up getting hurt worse and that this would definitely not be a good course of action. I can't decide on the latter though, I have totally no idea for how she feels for me. I doubt that she would already like me at this early a stage. I DO NOT WANT to make a mistake that I'll end up regretting. Well duh! Who does. Duh, I still feel bad bout Fria, but a part of me still wants her while another doesn't. And so does everything and everyone else. Lol.
I don't want to rush into a decision, I'll wait for things to develop first.
And so Morpheus claims me.
Some of my friends say no, that I'll only end up screwing myself again that I'll only end up getting hurt worse and that this would definitely not be a good course of action. I can't decide on the latter though, I have totally no idea for how she feels for me. I doubt that she would already like me at this early a stage. I DO NOT WANT to make a mistake that I'll end up regretting. Well duh! Who does. Duh, I still feel bad bout Fria, but a part of me still wants her while another doesn't. And so does everything and everyone else. Lol.
I don't want to rush into a decision, I'll wait for things to develop first.
And so Morpheus claims me.
February 27 : Wednesday
Emptied my character's life-savings for that tux. Why the hell did it have to look so effing good and why do I have to be so effing vain. -groan of agony- She also texted me on this day, led to a 'reconciliation' where I found myself giving in again. Good thing the conversation went another direction.
February 25 : Monday
Went to Alyzza's grandmother's wake. She expressed sentiments of not giving Fria that second chance. Weird thing was, I found myself agreeing with her. But now that I think of it, maybe it isn't that weird.
February 21 : Thursday
She texted Alyzza out of the blue and complained about my not texting! About not even trying to communicate with her!! Damnit, I mean. She texted me asking for that week of no-communication. I was only obliging her.
February 19 : Tuesday
Pretty much pissed at her friends for their shortsightedness, I'm not the best guy out there neither am I the worst. Life is harsh, they can't go on protecting her. They'll only end up hurting her in the long run, having her dependent on them and that would hurt her. Something I doubt they saw coming.
February 18 : Monday
SHE asked for a week of silence! Of no communication, something I was all too willing to oblige.
Shiz and Crap : A Series from Feb 14-17
Feb 14 : Valentine's Day
Definitely not the best of days. I bought some chocolates for her but they went to someone else instead.
I should stop expecting too much from her. After all she isn't mine.
Supposedly to be at her place. But it was just canceled after I freed up my whole day she runs up and tells me that her beloved onii-chan takes priority again. But then, what am I?
Feb 15 : Valentine's Aftermath
Its a Friday, I'm usually ate her place on these days, but maybe I've got better things to do. I need to make up for time wasted on Thursday. After all, what can stop me from having fun?
When I give something, I expect the action to be reciprocated. What do I do when its unrequitted?
Sevalle was right. I'm assuming, making hasty decisions.
Definitely not the best of days. I bought some chocolates for her but they went to someone else instead.
I should stop expecting too much from her. After all she isn't mine.
Supposedly to be at her place. But it was just canceled after I freed up my whole day she runs up and tells me that her beloved onii-chan takes priority again. But then, what am I?
Feb 15 : Valentine's Aftermath
Its a Friday, I'm usually ate her place on these days, but maybe I've got better things to do. I need to make up for time wasted on Thursday. After all, what can stop me from having fun?
When I give something, I expect the action to be reciprocated. What do I do when its unrequitted?
Sevalle was right. I'm assuming, making hasty decisions.
"I was so captivated by the magical creatures around me that I lost sight of the one I already had" - Arthur Spiderwick
Pick-up line? Lol.
Feb 16 : Saturday
Feb 16 : Saturday
Had a prettu big fight with her. Her onii-chan pretty much placed a threat on me.
Feb 17: Sunday
"Supposed" reconciliation. Getting this strange feeling that it won't work out anymore.
The day was pretty much a drag. although Chimee brightened it up a bit.
And through it all I'm pining for her, MISS HER WANT HER NEED HER.
A garbled, modified and biased version of the story is circulating, the blighters don't know the whole effing story.
I'm amused by the fact that Michael went to the length of actually threatening me. Just her try, he clearly does know know me. But then. Who does?
Feb 17: Sunday
"Supposed" reconciliation. Getting this strange feeling that it won't work out anymore.
The day was pretty much a drag. although Chimee brightened it up a bit.
And through it all I'm pining for her, MISS HER WANT HER NEED HER.
A garbled, modified and biased version of the story is circulating, the blighters don't know the whole effing story.
I'm amused by the fact that Michael went to the length of actually threatening me. Just her try, he clearly does know know me. But then. Who does?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
